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Andy

Andy's Joke of the Month

Eating Fire

(After eating fire)"People always ask me, 'What does that taste like?' Suspiciously it tastes a lot like lighter fluid. (in cheezy ad-man voice) And those with a preference choose RONSONAL!"

Guest Joke of the Month

This month's joke comes from a good friend of mine who sadly is no longer performing. One day he'll sneak back into the scene and continue being neurotic and funny. This one is from Mr. Joe Schulenberg. Thanks, Joe!

Having friends

"Sometimes I worry that because of my upbringing that I'm prejudiced. I don't have any black friends. But, then again, I don't have any white friends."

Water Cooler Joke of the Month

A young boy went up to his father and asked, Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?" The father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then, ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Finally, ask your brother if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from this."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would, I couldn't pass up an opportunity like that!" Next, the boy went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl exclaimed, "Oh my God! Talk about a win-win situation. I'd do it in a heartbeat!" Finally, the boy went to his brother with the same question. "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars?" "Sure," the brother replied, "Do you have any idea how much cool stuff a million dollars would buy?"

The boy pondered all of this information for a while, and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between potentially and realistically?" The boy answered, "Yes sir. Potentially, we're sitting on three million bucks, but realistically, we're living with two sluts and a fag."

I'll print your joke so you can brag to your friends. BUT you have to send them first!


About the "Jokes of the Month"

  • Andy's Joke of the Month: A line taken from my act that i'm particularly proud of.
  • Guest Joke of the Month: A snippet from one of my friends acts. This will be cool because I will also have links to their own personal sites and give you information on where to catch their act next. I have some hysterical friends and you should definitely make the effort to see them! I have no problem giving them the free plug since they deserve to be seen.
  • Water Cooler Joke of the Month: This is where you get your chance to shine. If you've heard a joke that really busted your gut and you'd like to share it with me, I'll be happy to post it here and make you famous the world over. Try to keep the jokes PG rated since kids will have access to this site. If one is a bit off color and it's too funny to clean up we'll work something out. Down the road I'll have prizes for the selected joke of the month. Until then you get the chance to brag to your friends and show them how funny you are. Send them to the site and watch how jealous they become.

Send all joke submissions to andy@andymartello.com

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Andy Martello
Las Vegas Comic Juggler

702-465-5604
andy@andymartello.com
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